Updated: 6 days ago
Love will come, once the familiarity is there
Do you question the love you have for yourself? Do you find it lacking? Do you want a deeper connection, something that is soulful, joyful, and loving?
How's your day, girl? Does it feel as if you are disconnected from something bigger and you're just out of step from whatever -it- is?
Sooo, I'm going to drop a little truth bomb right now. That disconnection you feel is love. You're disconnected from your source of love. You may be thinking, but Heather…I love myself. And you know what I'm going to ask you…do you REALLLLLY love yourself? Not in a superficial way, but in the way that matters? The way that when you're alone and nobody else is around, you can sit with yourself in silence and feel comfortable? Or do you fill your time so you don't have to face yourself?
Are you so busy running because you're feeling scared, vulnerable, and unsettled? True love.. especially love for yourself is filled with comfort, kindness, and the ability to see through the good times and the bad times. But what happens when you don't love yourself in a deep and meaningful way is that when you find yourself alone in the dark, with that super painful moment, suddenly you're feeling deserted and wondering what's wrong with you.
The Tenderness of Love
Love is tender. Yes, I said it..tender. And because it's so tender, it requires nurturing and attention on the regular! You deserve your own love and attention.
Okay, let me put it to you this way…think about it like this…if you had a plant sitting in a dark corner of your house… do you think it would flourish if you didn't water it regularly or allow it sunlight?
No way!!! The plant would wither and die from lack of attention and care. Why? Because it's a living breathing thing. And guess what, my lovely friend?
So too, are you. You require the same attention and nurturing. The love you have for yourself and within you needs to be sustained, nourished, and tended to so that it can flourish and ripen. If you're not doing that, then what's going to happen you may be wondering?
Well, that's how resentment and bitterne
ss are bred. When you're not taking care of yourself and letting love flow through you, then it will be a dark, cold place within you based on feeling unfulfilled.
Creating Love For Yourself
So how do you create love for yourself?
Well, it begins with becoming familiar with yourself. Your wants and needs, but also your likes and dislikes. I'm talking about the real you. Not the you that you present to the world. But the you that loves to lay on the couch and secretly watch hallmark movies because you love a good romantic movie. Or, the you that enjoys remixes of your favorite songs. The you that feels inspired when you read a quote or poem that touches you deep within. Whatever it is..it's not about the thing that you love, it's about honoring that you love it because it's what makes up who you are. It's comes from your soul.
You light up inside when you feel connected.
Ways to Create Familiarity With Yourself
So, let's break it down. I'm going to share with you ways that you can connect to yourself and create familiarity with yourself so that love will grow.
1. Me Time:
Spend time with yourself daily. Find quiet space to reflect, meditate, and get to know yourself. When you spend time with yourself, you build a deeper relationship because you get to know your wants and needs. You deepen into knowing what is important to you. You know what matters to you. Bonus: Journaling is another way to self-reflect. Each day, choose a question to reflect on and write about so that you know your values and what matters to you
Build compassion for yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a loved one. Stop beating yourself up every time you make a mistake and instead, begin to look at it from a compassionate lens. Making mistakes is human and there is nothing wrong with you. It does make you less than because you have tried something and failed.
3. Find the Lessons:
There are lessons in all that you do. Look for the lessons in everything. They will help you to grow, and to see life through an open-minded perspective. Even when an event is challenging, see if you can lean into finding what you can learn from it. It helps to create a growth mindset.
4. Opening Minded:
Stay open-minded so that you can tap into that growth mindset. It's so important to keep an open mind. By keeping an open mind, you can see that there are possibilities everywhere. What may feel like a closed door, can lead to a new door if you're willing to keep your eyes and mind open to what may be possible. Combine that with finding the lesson and you become unstoppable. For example, what if you wanted this new job and you didn't get it, and you looked at it from the perspective of; that wasn't the job for me, and that means that there is an even better job on the horizon.
5. Positive Mindset:
Keep a positive mindset. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in the negative by beating yourself up or thinking that nothing will ever work out for you. Instead, remind yourself that things work out in your favor.
Putting It All Together
Let's take the example I mentioned about the new job that you didn't get. How can you apply all of the above to that situation? So, you didn't get the job you wanted. You could take a little bit of time to sit quietly and reflect on what was it about that job that you liked and why you wanted it. Ask yourself, what aspects of it fit me? Then, give yourself some self-compassion for not getting the job you wanted. You could do something like place a hand on your heart and talk to yourself with kindness. Saying something like; "I'm sorry you didn't get that job, that's painful. You're not alone. May I offer myself kindness and care right now" And, sit with the painful feeling and allow yourself to feel it, without pushing it away but offering yourself care and love.
When you're ready, find the lesson, it could be that as you think about the job, maybe it was a little further than you wanted to travel, or perhaps there was an aspect of it that you didn't love but you were settling because you liked the company. Ask yourself, what is the lesson? Stay open-minded to the answers, what are the possibilities that are nearby? Perhaps, there is another job you considered applying for that you were unsure of because your skills didn't match 100 percent and you decide to go for it anyway. Keeping positive that this is a good experience to build your skill set to apply and even interview for jobs.
When you take the time to look at situations through this lens, you'll find yourself in a much happier place because you are allowing yourself to stay rooted in love, nurturing yourself instead of being harsh with yourself. The love you have for yourself will grow and bloom naturally and deepen with each passing day.